How to Tell If You’re Avoiding or Aligning | Why “Procrastination” Isn’t Always What It Seems

I had not yet made a phone call that I knew I needed to make, and I was giving myself a bit of a hard time about it.

It wasn’t a crisis. It wasn’t urgent. It didn’t really affect anybody but me, but it mattered. It was important.  And even though I know better, I began labeling my delay as procrastination, which only served to make me feel worse.  That action added more uneasiness into a situation that was already an emotional one for me.

But the more I sat with it, the more I realized…

I wasn’t procrastinating.

I was being thoughtful. I was getting my head and heart into the right space before I moved forward.

That was the reality.

I wasn’t avoiding. I was preparing. Not just emotionally, but practically.

I needed to gather my thoughts and some of the actual details—what I call the “data”—to make the call meaningful. To show up grounded, clear, and ready to have a productive conversation. I also needed to be clear about my desired outcome of that call. Ensuring that we align our actions with our intended outcomes is important.

I wasn’t resisting the task.

I was respecting what the task required. From me.

Has this ever happened to you? 

You delayed something—maybe a decision, a conversation, or a next step. And instead of pausing with curiosity, you defaulted to self-criticism.

“I’m procrastinating. Again.”
“I should’ve done this already.”
“Why can’t I bring myself to do this?”

But here’s the thing:

Not all delay is procrastination. Nor is forward motion always fast. Sometimes, the most meaningful steps happen off the clock.

Some delays are ‘avoidance,’ yes. But others are about timing, energy, capacity, clarity.  And that distinction matters. Once I realized what I was unintentionally doing (criticizing myself), I exhaled and realigned giving myself some grace without judgement.

Procrastination Is Task Dependent

I invite you to consider that not all delays are created equal.

There’s a big difference between putting off something like:

• Paying your bills
• Filing important paperwork
• Making a time-sensitive decision with known consequences

…and pausing before doing something like:

• Making a major life change
• Setting a needed boundary
• Saying yes—or no—to a new chapter in your life

The first group involves tasks with external structure—deadlines, expectations, consequences. Avoiding those tasks creates ripple effects: late fees, missed opportunities, logistical headaches. The delay costs you something, sometimes immediately.

But the second group? That necessitates internal work.These kinds of decisions and actions often live in the emotional realm. There’s no exact deadline. No one chasing you. Just you, your thoughts, your truth—and probably some inner noise because you have to work through that stuff too. And that’s okay.

These are the moments you need to slow down, gather yourself, and get clear. The timing isn’t dictated by a clock—it’s dictated by your capacity.

Your ability to act depends not just on having the information, but on being aligned emotionally and mentally.

And in those cases, a pause isn’t failure. It’s not laziness.

It might just be wisdom, asking for room to breathe. What most of us call a ‘pause.’

So, What Is Procrastination, Really?

Procrastination often creates more anxiety, more guilt, and more complications—and that emotional weight can quietly build on itself. The longer the task sits undone, the more shame and self-judgment we tend to pile on. That shame doesn’t motivate us. It actually makes the task feel heavier and even more overwhelming, increasing the odds that we’ll delay it even further.

Eventually, we’re not just avoiding the task—we’re also trying to escape the discomfort of how we feel about not having done it.

That’s the loop. And it’s a negative one that can create a downward spiral. And the deeper we fall into that hole, the harder it is to climb out with grace.

But, if you’re pausing because the moment doesn’t feel aligned—or because your energy, clarity, or bandwidth isn’t there just yet? That’s not procrastination. That’s pacing.
And sometimes, pacing is wise.

The Reframe: Are You Avoiding… or Aligning?

Let’s get practical…

What follows are a few reflective questions designed to help you gently examine what’s behind your delay. These aren’t about pushing yourself, they’re about getting honest with yourself, without judgment, so you can create clarity and readiness.

What decision or next step have you been putting off—and calling it procrastination?

Before you label it that way, try asking yourself:

“Am I avoiding something… or am I aligning with something that I don’t want to rush?”

One path is rooted in fear. The other is rooted in discernment. But here’s the thing:

even discernment has a timeline.

Offering yourself grace does not mean giving yourself indefinite permission to stay in situations that are depleting, harmful, or misaligned. This is especially tricky when fear dresses up as “not ready yet.”

For example, someone in an abusive marriage may genuinely need time to mentally and emotionally prepare to leave. That kind of delay is emotional survival. But if ‘readiness’ becomes a long-term stand-in for action, well, it’s more likely fear that’s taken hold keeping them stuck in an unhealthy situation.

The moral of the story isn’t to rush—it’s to ‘check in’ instead of ‘pile on.’

Whether your situation is high-stakes or just quietly weighing on you, it’s worth asking yourself a few grounding questions:

• How will I know when I’m ready?
• What does alignment look like for me—in real life, not just in theory, and certainly not from anybody else’s perspective.
• What purpose is my procrastination serving right now?
• Is this pause helping me move forward—or helping me avoid discomfort?

Because discernment without movement eventually becomes avoidance in disguise.

And grace?

Grace lives in the space between compassion and honesty.

Not just waiting—but waking up.

Once you’ve reflected, it’s also helpful to bring your awareness back to ground level and ask:

• Do I need to give myself a clear deadline or timeframe? (Not to rush, but to support follow-through.)
• What are the potential consequences of continuing to delay? (Am I okay with those, or are they quietly creating additional and unneeded pressure?)
• What support or information would make this feel easier for me? (Sometimes clarity requires context and support, not just courage.)
• What’s one low-stakes, low-effort step I could take today? (Progress often starts with one small move, even carving out time to meditate or journal about it.)

This is where reflection turns into realignment.

Because clarity isn’t just something you wait for—it’s something you create, one choice at a time.

 

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Sometimes what looks like procrastination is just the surface layer.

What’s really going on underneath is a self-sabotage pattern—and most of us have one (or more) that shows up without us even realizing it.

That’s why I created the Self-Sabotage Quiz—to help you uncover your primary pattern and start understanding why certain things feel harder than they should.

This isn’t one of those “cute” quizzes with a one-line answer.

Your result kicks off a deeper process.

You’ll receive a comprehensive explanation of your sabotage style, plus ongoing insights delivered through a short email series to help you spot the pattern when it shows up—and learn how to move through it with clarity and compassion.

Take the Self-Sabotage Quiz here
It’s free, quick, and genuinely useful.

Because when you understand your patterns, you can stop judging yourself—and start making aligned decisions instead.