Have you ever set a goal, felt excited about it, and then found yourself doing everything except the thing that moves you forward? Or maybe you’ve noticed patterns in your life that seem to hold you back, like putting off important tasks or overcommitting to things you really don’t have time (or the inclination) to do.

 

That, my friends, is self-sabotage and almost everyone engages in some sort of self-sabotaging behavior.

 

For me, it shows up as procrastination when it comes to sitting down to take care of what I call ‘personal paperwork’.  You know, bills, those pesky phone calls that should take 5 minutes but end up taking 35, and other things that are necessary, but I find really dull, unimaginative, and boring. To me, these kinds of tasks feel like pure drudgery.  However, I’m fortunate in that I recognize this about myself, and I’ve put systems in place—like auto-pay—to minimize any impact. But I’ll admit that I still procrastinate doing this stuff until it simply must be done.  Have you ever experienced this?

 

Anyway, although I’m aware of my tendency to procrastinate in this area of my life, many people’s self-sabotaging behaviors operate completely under their radar. Sure, self-sabotaging habits can sometimes manifest in subtle ways that are easy to dismiss or overlook, but at other times, these behaviors can cause significant issues with negative consequences.

 

For example, I’ve known people who were facing financial struggles and delayed making the difficult decisions and phone calls necessary to address their situations. Instead of seeking a solution, they stopped paying their car payment and/or rent. Now, these were normally responsible adults with good credit, but when faced with an overwhelming reality, they chose to ignore it because they simply didn’t know what else to do. This avoidance created even more anxiety for them, as their actions were completely misaligned with their values. In this case, the self-sabotaging behaviors at play here include avoidance, procrastination, denial, and cognitive dissonance. But here’s the thing—these behaviors can stack, amplifying the negative emotions and consequences that come with them. Who wants to carry the weight of all that stress and anxiety?

 

Anyway, if you didn’t know, self-sabotage isn’t just about bad habits or a lack of discipline. Sometimes it’s a response to deeper fears, discomfort, or beliefs that we may not even be fully aware of. These behaviors often operate quietly, shaping our actions and choices in ways that don’t always make sense in the moment. In this blog series, we’ll dive into what self-sabotage really is, how it affects us, why it happens, and how we can break free from its grip to live a more intentional, fulfilling life.

 

What Is Self-Sabotage?

 

Self-sabotage is any habit, behavior, or thought pattern that gets in the way of your progress or holds you back from living your best life. Sometimes it’s that little voice in your head saying, “Why even try? You’ll never succeed anyway.” Other times, it’s the urge to procrastinate, overcommit, or set impossibly high standards that leave you feeling stuck. Sometimes it’s you holding on so tightly to a belief that doesn’t serve you regardless of how uncomfortable it is for you!  No matter how it shows up, self-sabotage has a way of standing between you, the person you truly desire to be, and the way you genuinely want to experience this world.

 

But here’s the good news.  You can release self-sabotaging behaviors!

 

Signs You’re Getting in Your Own Way

 

Self-sabotage often feels like a series of habits we just can’t shake, even when we know they’re holding us back. Does anything in the list below sound familiar to you?

• Procrastination: You keep delaying something important because you’re waiting for the “perfect” time—or avoiding it altogether.
• Overcommitting: You say yes to everything and everyone, leaving no space for what truly matters to you.
• Perfectionism: You spend hours and hours fine-tuning every detail and feel paralyzed as you believe it’s not “good enough.”
• Negative Self-Talk: Your inner critic tells you you’re not capable or deserving of success.
• Cognitive Dissonance: You live in a state of mental discomfort because your actions contradict your beliefs or values; or your situation creates an internal conflict that leaves you feeling stuck.

Each of these patterns can feel overwhelming. They don’t just slow you down—they each have the potential to steal your joy, your peace of mind, and keep you from creating the life you deserve.

 

But here’s the good news.  Self-sabotage is a habit, not a permanent part of who you are.

 

I hear so many people say, “That’s just the way I am,” but the truth is, you have a choice. Self-sabotaging habits can be replaced with healthier ones, or you can create workarounds that minimize their impact, like I’ve done with autopay.  The same is possible for you.

 

The first step toward breaking the cycle of self-sabotage is awareness. Once you understand what your self-sabotaging patterns are and how they show up in your life (and if they show up in one area of your life you can bet they’re showing up elsewhere even if disguised), you can start making intentional choices to change them or work around them in ways that support your success and joy.

How Self-Sabotage Affects Us

 

Self-sabotaging behaviors are more than just roadblocks—they have the potential to weave through every aspect of our lives, often in ways that aren’t immediately obvious. While you may notice you procrastinate or engage in negative self-talk, the deeper impacts—on your emotional well-being, relationships, and opportunities—accumulate quietly over time. What starts as a single behavior can ripple outward, leaving you feeling unfulfilled or disconnected from the life you truly wish to live.

 

Here are some of the most common ways self-sabotage can affect your life:

• Joy: Procrastination, perfectionism, and negative self-talk can strip away your ability to experience joy in the present. You’re constantly caught up in a cycle of stress, guilt, or frustration instead of being fully present in an activity.
• Confidence: Over time, self-sabotage erodes your belief in yourself. Missed opportunities and unfinished goals can make you question your abilities and self-worth, while persistent negative self-talk quietly erodes your confidence.
• Alignment: When your actions don’t align with your true values, it creates emotional and mental tension. This disconnect makes it harder to feel fulfilled or at peace.
• Opportunities: Self-sabotage often keeps you from stepping into opportunities, whether it’s a promotion at work, a relationship, or a personal goal. Fear of failure—or success—holds you back from reaching your potential.
• Relationships: Overcommitting to everyone else’s needs or letting your inner critic take over can strain relationships, leaving you feeling disconnected or unappreciated. As resentment builds, relationships deteriorate.

 

The effects of self-sabotage aren’t limited to these areas. It takes countless forms—big and small—that influence your ability to pursue your goals, maintain your focus, or even trust yourself to make decisions. Left unchecked, these patterns can create a self-perpetuating cycle of frustration and regret.

 

But here’s the good news: self-sabotage is not permanent. As I said earlier, you have a choice, and you can choose to overcome any habit that isn’t serving you.

 

Take the First Step Toward Change

 

The first step toward change is recognizing that you’re engaging in self-sabotaging behaviors—habits, thought patterns, or choices that are holding you back. The second step is understanding the impact of these behaviors. How they are affecting your joy, confidence, relationships, or ability to move forward.

 

Once you have clarity on both the patterns and their impact, you can begin to shift these behaviors, creating space to reclaim your joy, rebuild your confidence, and realign with the life you truly want.

 

Discover Your Self-Sabotage Habit

 

If you’ve been wondering how self-sabotage might be showing up in your life, my Self-Sabotage Quiz is the perfect place to start. The quiz focuses on the five most common and impactful self-sabotaging habits that affect a wide range of people. It’s designed to help you uncover which of these behaviors might be holding you back and how to start addressing them. After taking the quiz, you’ll receive not only your result but also a series of tailored emails designed to deepen your understanding of your self-sabotage habit and actionable steps to address it.

 

Click here to take the quiz and discover your discover your self-sabotage habit.

 

If you’ve already taken my quiz, great!  You can discover how these behaviors are showing up in your life and affecting your joy by taking my Life Assessment.  Learn more about the Life Assessment here.

 

What’s Next?

 

Self-sabotage doesn’t just happen. It manifests in a variety of situations.  For some, it’s as simple as avoiding tasks we dislike or find boring. For others, the behavior is deeply rooted in fears, beliefs, or unconscious patterns that keep us stuck.

 

In my next blog in this series, we’ll explore the WHY behind self-sabotage, uncovering the fears, beliefs, and hidden drivers that shape these habits. For now, focus on building awareness and reflect on how self-sabotage might be affecting your life.